I come from a family where intellectual endeavours were much valued and Emotions not something we really talked about. We did lots of sports and otherwise kept busy to keep the mood up.
So while I lived with my parents, emotions were a bit of an elusive subject to me: What are you feeling Catherine? – “Good!” (What else? Was there another option? If not good, go for a run or a walk in the sun or go to bed and sleep, until you feel better.)
20-30 Split on the Inside
In my 20s I was a very busy person and did not so much as consciously concern myself with my Emotions. What for? If I am basically feeling good and being productive? Think positive!
Strangely enough, at the same time I was in intense craniosacral (body/non-speaking) therapy for 5 years, and processed lots of deeply held stuck Emotions, as inside I felt very depressed. But it was more an intuitive thing I sought recourse to, and afterwards, I would go out into daily life as if nothing was the matter. That I was in therapy, I kept very close to my heart and did not share with my friends.
30-40 Becoming Conscious, Different Methods
From 30 to 35, I learned to process Emotions openly in group settings and 1 on 1 at the Barbara Brennan School of Healing. A school for personal growth and Energy Healing. I learned to express them, feel them, move through them, and, as I understood, to kind of ‘get rid’ of them.
From 35 to 40, I discovered Mindfulness and learned in deep and long Vipassana Silent Meditation Retreats in Thailand to just watch and accept them. Eventually, they would grow quiet. But this would take a lot of time, every time again! And in daily life, they would come back swiftly and with great force, no problem. So still: why do we even have these Emotions?
40+ Diving Deeper
After my whole journey of forgetting, positive thinking, processing, and meditating, I still feel I did not get to the core.
My Emotions are still so present in daily life, get triggered by lots of things, and move me deeply. It takes loads of time to process them or hold space for them to finally ‘get rid’ of them or at least quiet them. Why on earth do we have them and how to make constructive use of them in daily life without needing to withdraw constantly and do something with them out of sight and out of contact with other people? How to constructively share and/or talk about Emotions, without scaring the other away?
In this Blog, I intend to dive deeper and fully explore the meaning of this mysterious World of Emotions.